Rex Does Everyone But Ahsoka
by Lefty Blondy
Summary: It is meant to be funny, there are mutant cockroaches, feel free to not like it, it is pretty stupid
1. Chapter 1

**I'm bored that's why.**

Captain Rex was walking along the corridor minding his own business when Anakin Skywalker came running up to him. This was when the madness that would plague the galaxy begun.

"Rex, I have something to say to you!" Anakin puffed when he caught up to Rex, "The Chancellor has just told me the strangest thing ever!"

"What is that sir?" Rex asked.

"He also wears boxers that have pink love hearts!" Anakin said, "Isn't that funny?"

"If you say so sir," Rex answered pretty sure that Skywalker was on crack or weed or something like that.

"Also you've been given an assignment," Anakin continued, "Not sure what it's about but whatever" Anakin threw a data pad at Rex and walked away.

"Sir, this data pad contains no information." Rex called after Anakin.

"Stupid potato!" Anakin yelled, "I told you! No eggs in my tomato sauce! Eggs in tomato sauce make my socks dry!"

"Sir?" Rex asked, worried about Anakin's sanity.

"The Canadians have it really tough!" Anakin screeched. "They gotta battle mutant cockroaches at four in the morning!"

"Sir!" Rex said slapping Anakin.

"Oh, thanks Rex," Anakin replied calmly, "I didn't have coffee this morning"

"I could tell," Rex said, "What's a mutant cockroach?"

**This is going to be a series.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Yeah it's been a really long time since I updated, sorry but I wanted to finish my other story, because it is important for the progress of this story.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars or anything else**

"Rexie-poo!" Anakin called, "Ahsokie-poo, the smart ass clonie-poo, troopie-poos where are you?"

"Sir, we stopped playing Hide-n-Seek five days ago." Rex said.

"I know that!" Anakin snapped, "What do you think I am? A five year old idiot?"

"Well, actually . . ." Rex said.

"Urgh, I was just calling you because you are needed on the bridge." Anakin muttered like a teenage girl.

"See it's that tone of voice that makes people mad at you." Rex replied.

"Urgh, why are so mad at me all the time?" Anakin stormed off crying.

"What's his problem?" Rex wondered aloud.

"He's PMSing," Ahsoka answered.

"I thought Skywalker was a dude." Rex said.

"He is," Ahsoka confirmed "But I think he's been castrated, either way he hasn't got a dick and it is defiantly his time of the month."

"He's nuts." Rex muttered

"No, he doesn't need nuts," Ahsoka said, "He needs bananas."

**Don't worry I am going to be paying a lot more attention to this story so there will be more than one update a year**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey, sorry bout not updating sooner, my bad**

**The stupidity begins (the first two chapters have NOTHING on this)**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Star Wars **

"Rex, you need to come with me," Anakin said calmly, "you've been given a very important mission."

"To get you more tampons?" Rex joked.

"Haha funny," Anakin answered in a very female sounding voice, he paused for dramatic effect, "Can we go to the control room already?"

"Sure," Rex grinned,

"DON'T!" Anakin yelled certain he was going to make another period joke.

0 0 0

(The control room)

"Ah, good Rex you're here." A hologram of Obi-Wan Kenobi said.

"Yes sir," Rex answered, "What do you need?"

"Well, I am trapped, and only you can save me since you are my only hope." Obi-Wan said.

"Don't people normally say that in some variation to you?" Rex asked.

"Yes, this is why the situation is even direr." Obi-Wan said gravelly.

"Uh-huh," Rex grunted.

"Your mission is," Obi-Wan paused for dramatic effect, "Is to have sex with everyone on board this cruiser, except for Ahsoka. To do this, you must first find a plot hole object so you can skip all the really disturbing bits, then you can save me, then with the help of a person you will soon meet and find a way to reverse time."

"Aww come on!" Rex complained, "Ahsoka is the only girl on this ship, except for Anakin but he's got a mangina."

"So what does that mean I am?" Asked a feminine voice. Rex turned to see that it was human sized cockroach.

"I have to have sex with you?" Rex asked disgusted.

"Yes, and then," The female cockroach paused for dramatic effect which seemed to be quite popular today, "I will turn back into my original human form and we can save Obi-Wan and then live happily ever after!"

"Who are you?" Rex asked disgusted.

"Isn't it obvious?" The mutant cockroach said.

"Should it be?" Rex asked disgusted.

"Yeah." The mutant cockroach said in a 'well duh' voice.

"It's not obvious to me." Rex said his voice extremely high.

"It should be." The mutant cockroach continued.

"To be fair," Anakin butted in, "I'm not that clear on whom you are either."

"I'm Mary Orphan Mutant Cockroach Sue." The mutant cockroach said.

"Oh!" Everyone in the room said in unison.

"Yeah, don't ask how I became a cockroach." Mary replied.

"Wasn't planning to," Anakin muttered but raised his voice so his next question could be heard. "So why are you here?"

"I still want to have the perfect Mary Sue life," Mary began, "So, since you are married."

"No I'm not," Anakin protested, "It's cause I'm a Jedi, you know Jedi, no marriage, blah, blah, Jedi stuff, that's why, I mean I'm not married, I'm a Jedi that's why it won't work out between us, Jedi code that is like blah, Jedi attachment, that kind of stuff."

"Right," Mary continued, "Besides, you have a mangina. Anyway, I want the perfect story, so now my true love is Captain Rex."

"FML" Rex said.

**She is back **

**:D **

**Also for those expecting sex scenes, there are not going to be any, the only reason this story is 'M' is because of a lot of mentioning of sex and who does it. That's why so don't expect any sex scenes**


End file.
